Managing Your Transition Home
Returning soldiers often feel different from colleagues or fellow job seekers from the civilian world. Many wonder how they will find work that will give them the sense of adventure, excitement, meaning, and purpose that they had while serving. You might find yourself asking, “What now?” or “Is this all there is?” Although completely natural for a warrior, these questions can be troubling for you as you seek a satisfying new mission. Taking the Myers-Briggs® (MBTI®) assessment to gain more information about your personal style can help you answer these types of questions—and is a good first step on the road to a more fulfilling career.
How might learning about your Myers-Briggs type assist you in making a career change or enriching the job you already have? One approach is to use knowledge of your MBTI preferences to help you narrow your job or career search to those work environments that might be a good fit based on your personal style.
If, for example, you prefer Extraversion, when you go on an informational interview or check out options at a college, job fair, or career center you could ask:
“Do people in this field value strong communication skills, teamwork, and a willingness to take action?”
Alternatively, if you prefer Introversion you could ask:
“Do people in this field valueautonomy, self-motivation, and a willingness to consider ideas and concepts in-depth?”
Reintegration back into civilian life is a perfect time to reexamine what’s important to you. Use your MBTI results to help you reflect on your needs and whichwork environments or fields of study may suit you. Make it your new mission to put your personal style to work in your transition home.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are authors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Creating Your Own Career Script
In high-stakes conflict situations, cooperation and single-minded adherence to command are vital. You need to know that you can count on those around you to follow the script. Going your own way is a last, rather than a first, resort. When pursuing a job or career development, however, there is no one-size-fits-all prescription. You need to find an approach that works for you. Knowing about your Myers-Briggs® personality type can help. Type theory recognizes that there are many different personal styles and thus many different ways of being effective.
One example of these style differences involves your preferred mode of taking in information—Sensing or Intuition. Understanding this and starting with the information most meaningful to you should help you narrow your search for a new job or career development opportunity.
What does it look like when people with these two different styles are investigating career options or job openings? In reading an online posting, for example, those who prefer Sensing are more likely to focus on the facts, specifics, and details contained in the posting. They want to learn about the daily realities of the job, its essential demands, and how well it fits their particular experience and skill set. Those who prefer Intuition are more likely to be interested in the possibilities, options, and themes suggested by the posting. They want to learn about how the job could offer opportunities to use their imagination, explore cutting-edge ideas, or innovate.
Searching for a new job or career after service can feel overwhelming. Using the Myers-Briggs assessment to help you systematically approach opportunities can bring a sense of order and clarity to the process. Knowing your preference for Sensing or Intuition can help you target your search to better suit your needs, interests, and skills.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Zeroing in on Your Work Values
Being in the military means adopting and living by important values such as camaraderie, teamwork, loyalty, and order. These are ideals that you honored during your service and continue to hold in high regard. Now, as you reenter civilian life, it’s time to discover what you value personally. Knowing about your Myers-Briggs® personality type can help you identify your values so that you can find work environments that honor who you are and what really matters to you.
One way to zero in on your values is to consider your approach to evaluating options, which is reflected in whether you prefer Thinking or Feeling. Understanding this aspect of yourself can help you find career opportunities best suited to you.
For example, when comparing potential employers or career options, people who prefer Thinking and Feeling tend to look at different criteria. If you prefer Thinking, you might ask yourself:
“Do people in this company value objectivity, critical analysis, and data? Would pursuing this career path offer me more positives than negatives?”
Alternatively, if you prefer Feeling, you might ask yourself:
“Do people in this company value warmth, appreciation, and relationships? Does pursuing this career path feel right to me?”
Reentering the civilian job market, or entering it for the very first time after serving, offers you a unique opportunity to get in touch with your core values. Use your Myers-Briggs results to help you choose work environments that mirror and reward your personal style. Whether you lead with the head (Thinking) or the heart (Feeling), your specific approach is needed to make the world run—so get out there and contribute as only you can.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Use MBTI® language to find your fit in the civilian world
Use MBTI® language to find your fit in the civilian world
Any time you make a career change, you may find it difficult to explain how the knowledge, skills, and abilities you acquired in your previous role(s) apply to a new job or field. This can be particularly challenging when you are moving from the military to a career in the civilian world. Even though your role in the service may be comparable to a job in business, you may struggle to describe how your military skills will transfer. Terms and titles are often dissimilar even if capabilities are much alike.
How can the MBTI® tool help? It offers service members a language in which to frame their approach to work and describe what sorts of environments bring out their best. You can search type descriptions and other materials on personality preferences to uncover key words and phrases that will help you paint a picture of the value you would bring to an organization, customer, or project.
For example, if you have a preference for Judging, let others know that you can contribute your best when you are able to devise routines, plan milestones and goals, and provide organization and structure. Explain that you value schedules, order, and decisiveness at work.
If, on the other hand, you have a preference for Perceiving, let others know that you can contribute your best when you are able to respond to new information, flex to meet changing demands, and handle unexpected opportunities as they arise. Explain that you value freedom, adaptability, and openness at work.
Describing who you are and the special talents you offer can be tricky. Knowing about your personality type provides a language to help bridge the gap between service and civilian life. Realizing that what you can contribute flows from your personal style can also help you overcome the service person’s natural tendency toward modesty and understatement. Remember, you are not bragging; you are simply helping potential employers determine fit by describing your style.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Getting the information you need to make better reintegration decisions
In previous posts we’ve looked at the impact of particular preferences (for example, Extraversion and Introversion) on your reintegration journey. In the next few posts we’d like to introduce another way of working with MBTI® personality type, what we call a “Lens.” Like a pair of glasses, a Type Lens can help you see yourself and others more clearly. It can focus your attention on specific similarities and differences in the way people experience reintegration.
Let’s begin by exploring the Functions Lens, named thusly because it is based on the second and third letters in the four-letter type code—S or N and T or F—which are called the Functions. The Functions Lens highlights four ways of seeing the world: through Sensing and Thinking (ST), through Sensing and Feeling (SF), through Intuition and Feeling (NF), and through Intuition and Thinking (NT).
Because the Functions Lens is based on just two of your letters rather than your whole type, each of the four different pairings has something in common with two of the other pairings: ST and SF share Sensing, NT and NF share Intuition, ST and NT share Thinking, and SF and NF share Feeling. Given they share a Function in common, there are some similarities in how individuals from each of these groupings approach reintegration. In contrast, differences between the reintegration approaches of individuals from groupings that do not have any letters in common—STs and NFs, and SFs and NTs—may be easier to spot.
How can an awareness of the Functions Lens help you? The Functions Lens highlights what tends to capture your attention, where you typically expend effort, and what you may fail to consider without a gentle reminder. Armed with this knowledge about your personal style, you can enlist others to help you get the information you need during reintegration, including support in exploring those areas that for you tend to fade into the background.
People with preferences for ST tend to be present focused and data driven. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Asking directly for specifics on what systems would provide the best concrete results right now
Taking time to shift your attention to encompass the future and people-oriented concerns
People with preferences for SF tend to be present focused and people oriented. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Asking directly for specifics on the most practical way to take the best care of yourself and others right now
Taking time to shift your attention to encompass the future and data-driven concerns
People with preferences for NF tend to be future focused and people oriented. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Asking directly for ideas on what might best motivate you and others going forward
Taking time to shift your attention to encompass the present and data-driven concerns
People with preferences for NT tend to be future focused and data driven. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Asking directly for ideas on what systems could be developed to provide the best outcomes going forward
Taking time to shift your attention to encompass the present and people-oriented concerns
Having a sense of your personal style and your needs during reintegration can make your life more manageable as you transition from warrior to worker. You can ask for the information you need to feel confident about your reintegration choices—details or the big picture, data or people—and also request help in areas that come less naturally to you. You may even recognize where you and your colleagues, friends, or family members might misunderstand one another due to your different ways of approaching things. Switching gears from service to civilian life can be tough—let knowledge of your MBTI type make it a little easier!
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Framing your reintegration process to suit your needs
In previous posts we’ve discussed various aspects of type—for example, the eight preferences and the Functions Lens—and in this post we’ll focus on another aspect of type called the Attitudes Lens. We’ll examine how knowledge of this Lens can help frame your reintegration journey. The Attitudes Lens is based on the first and fourth letters of your type code—E or I and J or P—known as the Attitudes, and this Lens focuses our attention on four ways of interacting with the world: through Introversion and Judging (IJ), through Introversion and Perceiving (IP), through Extraversion and Perceiving (EP), and through Extraversion and Judging (EJ).
Since we are focusing on just two letters, each of the four different pairings has something in common with two of the other pairings: IJ and IP share Introversion, EP and EJ share Extraversion, IJ and EJ share Judging, and IP and EP share Perceiving. Therefore, there are some similarities in how these groups approach reintegration, which you will notice in the suggestions below. Further, because neither IJ and EP nor IP and EJ have any letters in common, the differences between their approaches to reintegration may be easier to spot.
How can an awareness of the Attitudes Lens help you? It highlights where you tend to get your energy and how you typically arrange your life, as well as the strategies you may overlook. This understanding points to ways you can honor your particular needs and mitigate your blind spots while in transition.
People with preferences for IJ tend get their energy from their inner world and prefer to take a structured approach. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Giving yourself time and space to reflect and think deeply
Devising plans that bring order, stability, and clarity to the reintegration process
Being careful not to over-analyze things or structure plans too tightly in your drive to have things be perfect
People with preferences for IP tend get their energy from their inner world and prefer to take an open-ended approach. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Giving yourself time and space to reflect and think deeply
Allowing things to be fluid in order to keep the reintegration process flexible and responsive to new data
Being careful not to overanalyze things or keep plans too open in your drive to have things be perfect
People with preferences for EP tend get their energy from the outer world and prefer to take an open-ended approach. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Giving yourself multiple opportunities to talk with others and try things out
Allowing things to be fluid in order to keep the reintegration process flexible and responsive to new data
Being careful not to overdo things or keep plans too open in your drive to get things moving
People with preferences for EJ tend get their energy from the outer world and prefer to take a structured approach. If this is your style, you can improve your reintegration process by
Giving yourself multiple opportunities to talk with others and try things out
Devising plans that bring order, stability, and clarity to the reintegration process
Being careful not to overdo things or structure plans too tightly in your drive to get things moving
Knowing yourself better can help you frame your reintegration process so that it better suits your needs. Understanding your need for reflection or action, as well as for structure or openness, can light the way in what is often a confusing time. Recognizing how and where you may over- or underdo things can help you avoid getting stuck. Military service necessitated having a certain pace and order to your life; now it’s your turn to give yourself what you need to make your journey from soldier to civilian easier. You’ve sacrificed for others, now you deserve this for yourself!
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report
Taking Charge of Change
Taking Charge of Change
In previous posts we’ve discussed various aspects of type, and in this post we’ll focus on another aspect called the Quadrants Lens. We’ll examine how knowledge of this Lens can help you cope with change, something you are probably very familiar with on your reintegration journey. The Quadrants Lens is based on the first and second letters of your type code: E or I and S or N. This Lens focuses our attention on four ways of engaging with the world: through Introversion and Sensing (IS), through Introversion and Intuition (IN), through Extraversion and Sensing (ES), and through Extraversion and Intuition (EN).
Each of the four different pairings has something in common with two of the other pairings: IS and IN share Introversion, ES and EN share Extraversion, IS and ES share Sensing, and IN and EN share Intuition. Therefore, there are some similarities in how these groups approach reintegration, which you will notice in the suggestions below. Further, because neither IS and EN nor IN and ES have any letters in common, the differences between their approaches to reintegration may be easier to spot.
How can an awareness of the Quadrants Lens help you? The Quadrants Lens highlights what typically energizes you and what kinds of information you are likely to find most relevant. It may also help pinpoint situations that could prompt your resistance. This understanding can help you handle changing circumstances gracefully, as well as indicate where and when you may have to work harder to remain flexible.
People with preferences for IS tend to get their energy from their inner world and focus on facts and specifics.
During the reintegration process you may
Resist approaches that don’t respect the tried and true
Therefore it helps to
Give yourself time to verify the practical value of any change
People with preferences for IN tend to get their energy from their inner world and focus on patterns and meanings.
During the reintegration process you may
Resist approaches that don’t offer new insights
Therefore it helps to
Give yourself time to consider the innovative potential of any change
People with preferences for ES tend to get their energy from the outer world and focus on facts and specifics.
During the reintegration process you may
Resist approaches that don’t facilitate trying things out
Therefore it helps to
Give yourself the opportunity to test the application value of any change
People with preferences for EN tend to get their energy from the outer world and focus on patterns and meanings.
During the reintegration process you may
Resist approaches that don’t allow for pioneering efforts
Therefore it helps to
Give yourself the opportunity to discuss the strategic potential of any change
Being a warrior required you to adjust to changing circumstances at a pace and in a manner that was chosen by others. Now it’s your turn to set the pace and choose your path. Having a better understanding of what may facilitate progress on your reintegration journey—and what may block it—helps you move forward in a way that works best for you.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Finding your rhythm after service
In previous posts we’ve discussed various aspects of type, and in this post we cover another aspect called the Temperaments Lens. We examine how knowledge of this Lens, which focuses on what keeps people motivated, can help you find your rhythm after service so that you can order your reintegration process to best meet your needs. The Temperaments Lens uses two letters from the four-letter type code like the other Lenses we’ve discussed; however, its combinations are distinctive and don’t follow a standard pattern. The Temperaments Lens’ four groupings are: Sensing and Judging (SJ), Sensing and Perceiving (SP), Intuition and Thinking (NT), and Intuition and Feeling (NF).
How can an awareness of the Temperaments Lens help you? The Temperaments Lens offers insight into your natural rhythm as well as pointing to situations that could throw you out of sync. This information can help you let loved ones, colleagues, support professionals, friends, and others know what keeps you going strong during a transition and what may derail you.
During the reintegration process, people with SJ preferences need others to understand their need for:
Traditional strategies that incorporate proven techniques
Life feels uncomfortable and out of sync for people with SJ preferences when there is a lack of:
Security and stability
During the reintegration process, people with SP preferences need others to understand their need for:
Practical strategies that incorporate fun and humor
Life feels uncomfortable and out of synch for people with SP preferences when there is a lack of:
Freedom and flexibility
During the reintegration process, people with NT preferences need others to understand their need for:
Logical strategies that incorporate the latest ideas
Life feels uncomfortable and out of synch for people with NT preferences when there is a lack of:
Objectivity and information
During the reintegration process, people with NF preferences need others to understand their need for:
People-centered strategies that incorporate caring and warmth
Life feels uncomfortable and out of synch for people with NF preferences when there is a lack of:
Empathy and imagination
Your time in service required you to fall in line with the military’s pace—and rightly so—yet now it’s time to march to your own beat. Understanding what you need from others to operate optimally, as well as recognizing what may leave you feeling out of step, can help you create a life that is in harmony with who you are.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teamss, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Leveraging your style to manage stress and gain perspective
In previous posts we’ve discussed various aspects of type, and in this post we cover another aspect called the Dominants Lens. We examine how knowledge of this Lens, which can offer insights into what people find stressful, may help you navigate the ups and downs of your reintegration process in order to maximize your sense of optimism and personal control. The Dominants Lens, unlike the other Lenses we’ve discussed, uses just one letter from the four-letter type code; your Dominant will be one of the two middle letters. The Dominants Lens’ four groupings are Dominant Sensing (S), Dominant Intuition (N), Dominant Thinking (T), and Dominant Feeling (F).
How can an awareness of the Dominants Lens help you? The Dominants Lens indicates what you tend to need to feel comfortably in charge of your life, as well as points to potential stress triggers. This information can help you let loved ones, colleagues, support professionals, friends, and others know how to support you during a transition to keep you moving forward with perspective and balance.
People with Dominant Sensing (ISTJs, ISFJs, ESTPs, ESFPs) can become stressed when they are faced with vague theories and too much ambiguity.
To regain your focus on what is practical and fact based, you may want to look at
How to draw from and build upon past experience to make sense of the current situation
Others can help by offering information that
Shows how new ideas could be applied to make everyday tasks and activities easier
People with Dominant Intuition (INFJs, INTJs, ENFPs, ENTPs) can become stressed when they are faced with too many details and specifics.
To regain your focus on what is possible and innovative, you may want to look at
How to reimagine the details to create a “big picture” plan for the future
Others can help by offering information that
Shows how what is already available in the environment can be used to launch new and inventive approaches
People with Dominant Thinking (ISTPs, INTPs, ESTJs, ENTJs) can become stressed when faced with too many emotional demands and an absence of competence.
To regain your focus on what is dispassionate and rational, you may want to look at
How to explore strong reactions, your own and those of others, to verify probable causes and thus approach upsets more intelligently
Others can help by offering information that
Shows how the efficacy of any strategy is improved by considering its impact on relationships
People with Dominant Feeling (ISFPs, INFPs, ESFJs, ENFJs) can become stressed when faced with too much conflict and an absence of purpose.
To regain your focus on what is affirming and meaningful, you may want to look at
How to determine what is most important and uplifting for you and for your significant others
Others can help by offering information that
Shows how a logical understanding of what’s happening can contribute to the well-being of all involved
During deployment you dealt with many stressors, and even though returning home was something you looked forward to, you are likely finding challenges awaiting you at home as well. Knowing about the Dominants Lens can help you understand your stress triggers, point to how to regain your equilibrium, and better enable you to enlist support from others as you make the journey from warrior to civilian.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Self-Care: Doing Your Best Requires Being Your Best
In previous posts we’ve looked at how who you are in terms of your personality type shapes your outlook generally and your reintegration approach specifically. In the next four posts we will discuss quick tips that are useful to all personality types during the transition from service to civilian life. We begin with self-care, a much talked about but frequently overlooked necessity.
Service members are taught to put the needs of others and the needs of the group above their own. This is admirable and makes sense during deployment. But back at home, it is just as sensible to follow a self-care plan. Now you’re in command. Leading yourself correctly ensures your well-being as well as the well-being of those around you. Doing so is not selfish—rather, it’s the only way to take charge of your life successfully and to impact others positively.
Here are some simple yet important tips to help you do just that:
Eat right, exercise, and get rest—the first two will assist with the third.
Be cautious with the use of alcohol and drugs.
Find and do things that are fun and playful and make you laugh.
Realize that, in order to be useful to others, you need to attend to your own needs, too.
Recognize that it shows more courage to seek help than it does to suffer alone.
Reevaluate priorities and goals—don’t try to force your new life into outdated forms.
Take responsibility for whatever you can do to change your situation for the better.
Celebrate all your successes, no matter how small.
Resist cultural norms that suggest that you need to respond to challenging situations by putting on a stoic or cheerful face.
Try to silence your internal critic and cut yourself some slack—reintegration is a process, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
For most service members, getting back home is a much-anticipated event. However, along with all the happy moments following your return, times of self-doubt and confusion will almost certainly be part of the experience, too. Knowing your personality style and how it shapes what brings purpose to your life—combined with taking your well-being seriously—can help in good times and in bad.
You are now the captain of your own ship. Steer it wisely toward better physical and mental health, which benefits you and all those around you.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Returning to Work: Enhancing the Relationship with Self and Others
Returning to Work: Enhancing the Relationship with Self and Others
Many find that the experience of serving has altered their work goals and aspirations, and, in addition, that the world of work or the career they left behind has changed. Service provided many with opportunities to engage in work that felt vital, important and even exciting. Additionally, some held positions with a great deal of responsibility. These things combined often lead to feelings of being different from others - those who have not served, or in the case of fellow service members, those who have not deployed.
With these factors in mind, here are some simple yet important tips to help you to make the most of re-entry into the civilian workforce – whether returning to a former position, beginning a new one, or in exploring new career fields:
· If returning to a job, assume that things have changed and that you may feel lost at first
· Ask for help getting updated in things—by doing so you are helping to get the job well done
· Expect setbacks and missteps—be patient with your adjustment
· See feelings of confusion, incompetence, and frustration as natural reactions that should fade over time
· Don’t let others’ negative or unrealistic expectations of service members get you down—trust your own estimation of your knowledge and capabilities
· Make use of job placement services, if available—staffing and temporary agencies as well as workforce centers
· Do an Internet search of companies and fields that interest you
· Let people around you—friends, family, potential employers—know that you are looking for work and what kinds of work are of interest to you
· Practice interviewing by role-playing with a friend, career counselor, or others to get more familiar with the process
· Return to work gradually if you are feeling overwhelmed—try volunteering or working part-time, or use these approaches to try out a new field
For most service members, securing meaningful work is an important aspect of finding a “new normal” upon returning home. However, there will most likely be times when looking for work or returning to your old job will feel stressful or overwhelming as it can be hard to “top” your time in service. Utilizing the tips above, along with learning about your personality type, can make you more successful in the process of forging a career path that allows you to use your unique gifts.
Elizabeth and Katherine Hirsh are coauthors of several publications, including Introduction to Type® and Teams, MBTI® Teambuilding Program: Leader’s Resource Guide, Introduction to Type® and Decision Making, and the MBTI® Decision-Making Style Report.
Reconnecting to Loved Ones: Strengthening Personal Commitments
This is the third of four posts in which we discuss quick tips that are useful to all personality types during the transition from service to civilian life. In our previous posts in this series we examined self-care and the return to work. In this post we cover reconnecting to loved ones.
Many who have served return with a heightened sense of responsibility and at the same time a feeling of not knowing where to direct their efforts because others have been in charge of home responsibilities (e.g., chores, bills, childcare) while they were away. During reintegration, finding your place can be difficult, as there’s a tendency to do too much or too little in response to ambiguity. Existing roles and relationships will likely require renegotiation. Your mission is to strike a balance between your need to be useful now with honoring the structures your significant others created to cope in your absence. While this process will require effort and care, it can become the source of a new level of depth and understanding in your key personal relationships.
Here are some simple yet important tips designed to help you gain a new and stronger footing in your relationships with significant others:
Don’t mistake a lack of understanding with a lack of caring—even informed loved ones can be confused about reintegration.
Understand that transitions and sacrifices have been experienced on both sides—by you and by those left at home.
Demonstrate patience—family members and significant others experienced their own challenges while you were gone.
Proceed slowly as you resume family responsibilities—someone took care of these while you were away, and it may take some adjustment to reconfigure roles and redistribute authority.
Anticipate some conflict between your sense of what’s important and what others want, expect, or think you should be or do.
Recognize that feelings of estrangement, lack of intimacy, or a sense of neediness are standard responses to separation that should diminish over time.
Be honest about your needs—don’t expect loved ones to read your mind.
Take time to rebuild your relationships through shared activities, couple time, family gatherings, etc.
Get the advice and support of other families, friends, or couples who have had similar reintegration challenges.
Talk with a friend, mentor, spiritual advisor, chaplain, or counselor; or join a support group if you are having trouble—many people experience some relationship difficulties during reintegration.
Use the tips above, along with knowledge about your personality type, to reflect on how things are going and what you need most in your important relationships. Our hope is that considering who you are as you navigate the unique challenges reintegration places on relationships can help you forge stronger, more vibrant connections with those you care about most. Be patient with the process of getting back into home life; read this article with your loved ones to open up a dialogue—you may find that feelings of confusion are quite normal and shared all around.
Read all previous blogs in the “Managing Your Transition Home” series here.