It’s February again and with that comes Valentine’s Day and thoughts of finding that “special someone.” All of us want love, affection, and companionship and many of us hope that this will be the time when we find someone who can be “The One” for us. While this romantic notion is reinforced by our culture, it asks us to search outside ourselves for happiness. It limits our focus to an idealized future. We become preoccupied with how things could be when “Mr. or Ms. Right” arrives. We miss the potential for a variety of happy experiences in the present moment because we are too busy waiting for a specific sort of “romantic happiness” later.
How can you bring your awareness back to where you are today and therefore increase your opportunities for love and joy right now? As Deepak Chopra said to a woman who asked him how she could find her special someone, “Stop looking for the right one. Be the right one.”†
Here are some simple suggestions on how you might do just that:
Instead of searching for someone attractive, be attractive. Eat healthy food, exercise, get your hair cut or styled, try some new clothes, make your living and working spaces inviting, notice and appreciate the attractiveness of others.
Instead of searching for someone caring, be caring. Make the effort to reach out to people who might be lonely or are going through tough times, ask others how they are and then listen sincerely, do something simple that makes another person feel special.
Instead of searching for someone exciting, be exciting. Learn something new, try a new sport or activity, go somewhere you have never gone before, do something just for fun, question your patterned responses, challenge yourself to keep an open mind when experiencing unfamiliar ideas or people.
Instead of searching for someone successful, be successful. Do your job to the best of your ability, see your efforts as important regardless of whether your work is seen as glamorous, look for a new career if your job feels unfulfilling, don’t ever let your paycheck define your worth.
Bring power back to your present moment. Enjoy your life now. Be the attractive, caring, exciting, successful person you seek. Doing so will not only help you develop yourself, but it will also help you attract people with these same qualities.
Self-Discovery Tool Number 58
Stretch your concept of finding love. See that sincerely loving and enjoying yourself is the best way to find love with another. If you are looking for someone special, start by being that someone yourself!
†p. 69, The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Power of Your True Self, by D. Chopra, D. Ford, and M. Williamson (HarperCollins, 2010). www.theshadoweffect.com
