Embracing Surprise, Welcoming Change

Do you feel as if your life is following a predictable pattern, that you are in a rut of your own design? Does it seem that you are living on autopilot, not really noticing what is happening around you or even that there is a world beyond your usual routine?  Sometimes we get so caught up in what we think we know to be true and what we assume is necessary or valuable that we become blind to unexpected gifts and opportunities.

We can end up feeling tired and disconnected, not realizing that we have the capacity to renew our connections to the greater world – the world outside of our habitual beliefs and responses – and embrace the mystery that surrounds us.

What can we do to begin reorient our senses to the myriad of possibilities available? Give these simple suggestions a try.

• Talk to someone whom you’ve never taken the time to get to know, strike up a conversation with a stranger, or approach someone who seems different from you

• Ask your loved ones for their opinions on topics you’ve never examined before together

• Eat something, wear something, or do something that is out of character for you just to see how it feels

• Let others decide on a plan: take a back seat for a change, go along for the ride, see what unfolds

• Challenge yourself to reflect and consider how you might do things differently the next time you face a recurring situation or task

• Make a conscious effort to pay attention to what is happening around you and within you – what do you see and how are you feeling about it?

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Cultivate the attitude of wonder – be ready to be surprised. Take notice of your environment, both internally and externally. See how it shifts and changes and be willing to act accordingly instead of relying on your usual assumptions about how things should go or should be. Be open to change – try something small to connect to the many possibilities that could exist if they were only allowed entrance into your life!

How Can We Be More at Home With Ourselves? Practice, Practice, Practice!

Anders Ericsson from Florida State University has studied experts in a variety of domains and come to the conclusion that what they all share is having devoted 10,000 hours to their craft. This research indicates that mastery requires not just interest, not just passion, but lots and lots of practice. Likewise with self-discovery. To be the master of your own soul, to bring your most heartfelt desires to life, you need to create opportunities for growth and you need to take full advantage of these opportunities to exercise your self-awareness muscles. So how do start putting in those hours? To get you started here are a few ideas for fostering active self-discovery.

• Watch a funny video on www.YouTube.com – think about what aspects of life you are taking too seriously and how you might relax, add laughter, and lighten your outlook

• Play with a pet – watch Fido fetch or Kitty playing with yarn, think about the last time you were totally engaged in something for the sheer joy of it and ponder how you might generate more of that kind of energy

• Compose a gratitude letter – reflect on the nice things in life, think about how savoring the good times helps put difficulties into perspective and serves as a reminder that there is more to life than hassles and problems

• Celebrate a job well done or a risk taken –pause and take a moment to feel pride in your achievement knowing you did it even if the outcome is less than perfect

• Examine your priorities – contemplate your long and short term commitments and think about the match (or mismatch) of these to what you value and consider how shifting some of them may allow you to live your life with greater authenticity and congruence

• Cultivate a positive attitude –increase your confidence in the face of adversity by accepting what you cannot change and choosing to be optimistic and enthusiastic about what you can

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Keep a journal in which you log your self-discovery practice, create an archive in which to file your development gains, and/or share with friends the growth related actions and insights you are experiencing. Establish a self-discovery routine – honor who you really are by “exercising” your uniqueness!

Moving Forward With You By Our Side

To our old friends, familiar with our blogging spot, we thank you for being there and here; to our new friends, read on, you’ll soon understand!

When things change it can be exciting, but it can also feel a little scary. What’s out there? What’s beyond this? We are never assured of an answer even if we are excited about our new path and have carefully planned our route. Maturity is realizing that this uncertainty is okay and just a natural part of life. Taking a new road requires hope, faith, and trust.

But before we takeoff in a new direction, we want to honor our birthplace. We’ve been fortunate to have a home at the University of Minnesota and our stay has been splendid. We’ve been able to examine many aspects of self-discovery. We’ve been able to pose questions and propose strategies for achieving a greater measure of peace and contentment. We have shared books and other materials that touched our lives. We have enjoyed the journey and have grown along the way. We hope that you have, too.

Now, we’re moving forward. Happily, we have a new home base and will be reaching out to you monthly via this brand new website! We thank you for traveling with us since 2008 and we look forward to continuing the conversation here at our new site www.selfdiscoverydigest.com.

We invite you to enjoy past Self-Discovery Digest posts on the LearningLife site as you will still be able to access them there: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/learning/selfdiscovery/

The following are some thoughts that have crystallized for us over the past three years of blogging:

• Life is endlessly fascinating.

• People are generally good and are trying their best.

• Letting go can be liberating – some situations are beyond personal control.

• Power and fulfillment come from aligning who you are at your core with how you are in the world.

• Healing and progress are always possible.

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Change is inevitable. Transformation is wonderful and yet anxiety provoking at the same time. Join us as we embrace this new direction. Partner with us as we grow and evolve – we wouldn’t want to blaze a new trail without you!

Three Simple Ways to Lesson the Sting of Failure

What do you do when all your patient and careful effort to solve a problem wasn’t enough? When despite trying again and again, you are unable to succeed? How do you manage the grief that comes with a sense of failure? We’ve all been there and it feels truly awful. But before sinking into the murky waters of despair, try out the tips below to get back to the brighter side of life.

1) Decide it’s OK. As ridiculously simple as this sounds, accepting the outcome as OK - even if it’s not what was hoped for or planned - brings peace. By making a mental shift and choosing to see the outcome as OK, you can let go of the burden of thinking that you should or could have done something more. Ease up on your sense of personal responsibility and choose to believe that things ended up just as they were always going to – often this is true anyway.

2) Don’t tough it out alone. As the saying goes, “a burden shared makes for a lighter load.” Reach out to family, friends, a trusted confidante, or someone who loves you. Let them remind you that your life and your worth are built on more than this one difficult situation. Besides the comfort you can gain through telling your story, you may receive help, insights, or useful advice that would not be available if you had not reached out.

 3) Do something fun, silly, or frivolous. Chances are you’ve been tightly focused on the setback you’ve experienced and have been in a serious mode for some time. Take a break from the heaviness. Distract yourself by doing something easy and light. Shift your concentration to beautiful and joyful things. Give yourself permission to do so, force yourself if you have to – your wellbeing depends on it.

Failure is a fact of life and when the stakes are high it can be debilitating. Making the effort to think differently and do something positive can feel overwhelming. Yet doing so has big benefits. Resolving to do your best to move forward in whatever way you can will help you and those around you get to a happier place.

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In the face of failure, commit to doing something immediately to feel better, even if it is committing to feeling your feelings of grief. Free yourself from the weight of “what if’s.” The past is over. Today is a fresh, new day. Don’t compound your disappointment by failing to move ahead – turn toward a better future by starting right now!