Sixteen Months of Type — ISFP

This is the second post in our 16 Months of Type series and we focus here on ISFP. To remind you, we are using our material on managing life transitions with psychological type (formerly available through CPP as Introduction to Type® and Reintegration and now available on CareerPlanner.com) as the jumping off point for each piece and then connecting this material to the self-discovery process that frequently accompanies life-changing events (LCEs). Read on!

ISFP, Introversion, Sensing, Feeling and Perceiving
When facing an LCE, ISFPs typically want an approach that is friendly and flexible to their individual needs. If your preferences are for ISFP, you most likely want to get a read on your new situation before taking action and will need others to be tolerant of your internal, private search for emotional clarity. ISFPs tend to prefer a plan that feels supportive and gives them time to make sense of disconcerting or unusual experiences. If they are rushed or forced into a “one-size fits all” approach, they may tune out or reject the process altogether – they want to consider things carefully in order to find methods that foster the wellbeing of those they care about and increase their personal sense of peace.

When ISFP preferences are overdone, people who prefer ISFP may fail to consider the logical implications of an approach and instead base their choices on the drive to preserve harmony or protect feelings. Their temperate, careful approach can mean that they delay action, or fail to ask for what they need, if doing so could cultivate conflict. They may also assume that things will get better on their own if they simply leave them as they are. If they were instead to take a more active role, by envisioning where they would like things to end up – in both bottom-line and personal terms –and then trying out a few things to move them along this path, this could be much more beneficial.

ISFPs typically need a sympathetic companion to mentor, guide, and support them on their transition journey. Since those who prefer ISFP are often self-effacing, they seek companions, whether friends, colleagues or helping professionals, who are caring, low-key and able to remind them of their strengths and talents when they forget. Providing gentle, open-minded encouragement, tailored to them specifically, is crucial for people who prefer ISFP. They seek practical help delivered in a flexible way that enables them to improve connections with their significant others. In short, this help should be from someone whom ISFPs feel will champion them in a personl and sincere fashion and also be attentive to the demands of their day-to-day lives.

When such a companion is not present in the life of people who prefer ISFP, they may struggle with the ambiguity that accompanies LCEs and interpret this confusion as incompetence on their part. A savvy companion can help them to see that it’s OK to participate more fully, even if the steps taken are experimental or tentative. Due to the careful consideration ISFPs typically put into all they do, any actions taken will often improve the situation for all concerned regardless of how imperfect they might seem to the ISFP. Without friendly but firm encouragement, people who prefer ISFP may devalue the good they could do for themselves and others due to their modest self-assessment. Having a consistent companion cheering them on helps remind ISFPs of their unique strengths; including their tendency to pursue solutions that benefit all involved, in useful, hands-on ways. Having support that reinforces the value of their unique approach allows ISFPs to feel more confident voicing their opinions and taking action – often exactly what is needed to make things better for all concerned.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 73
If you prefer ISFP (or you have someone in your life with this four-letter type code), the following questions may help as you process a life-changing event.

1. How can you find the ways to enrich your connections with others by reaching out to share stories, time, and activities?
2. How can you explore the larger meaning of your experiences in order to discover new ways of proceeding that might help you to manage your transition more successfully?
3. How can you take an objective inventory of which approaches to your new circumstances are working and which are not?
4. How can you create plans, schedules, or routines to help you manage your new way of living more easily?

Sixteen Months of Type — ENTJ

It’s 2016 and it struck us that the sixteenth year of the decade might be a time to look at the sixteen types captured in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®. We will focus on one type each month, starting with ENTJ, and, as there are sixteen types, the process will take a year and four months to complete. We will use our material on managing life transitions with psychological type (formerly available through CPP as Introduction to Type® and Reintegration and now available on CareerPlanner.com) as the jumping off point for each piece and endeavor to connect this material to the self-discovery process that frequently accompanies life-changing events (LCEs).

ENTJ, Extraversion, Intuition, Thinking and Judging
When facing an LCE, ENTJs typically want an approach that is groundbreaking and action-oriented. If your preferences are for ENTJ, you most likely don’t want to sit around and wait for things to change. You want to make things happen. ENTJs tend to prefer that a decision be made (they don’t always need to be the decider) so that they can get going. If it doesn’t work out the first time around, their usual approach is to learn from what went wrong and try again as soon as it is practical – the goal is to DO something, preferably something that breaks new ground.

When ENTJ preferences are overdone, for example, people who prefer ENTJ may fail to attend to current realities and their own values and feelings. This action-oriented approach can mean that they head off in a new direction without paying much heed to how the changes will impact them and/or their significant others in the near term. They may also assume that more action will make the difference, when instead time could be better spent reviewing current constraints and potential consequences – in both personal and bottom-line terms – and building these into their approach BEFORE continuing.

When facing an LCE, ENTJs typically need a self-assured companion to mentor, guide, and support them on their transition journey.Since those who prefer ENTJ are usually brimming with self-confidence, they seek companions, whether friends, colleagues or helping professionals, who aren’t afraid to share opinions, respond to questioning robustly, and perhaps, on occasion, even spar with them. This self-assurance should be an aspect of the companion’s general demeanor and also be rooted in competence, as people who prefer ENTJ seek not just someone who is confident, but someone who can back this up with real ability. In short, they should be someone who can “walk the talk” and hold themselves and the person with ENTJ preferences accountable.

When such a companion is not present in the life of people who prefer ENTJ, they may struggle with the ambiguity that accompanies LCEs and interpret this confusion as incompetence on their part. A savvy companion can help them to see that waiting until they have more clarity around an issue instead of rushing to make further changes can be a strength. Without forthright or even blunt feedback, people who prefer ENTJ may believe that all is well simply because they have heard nothing to the contrary from others. Having an outspoken companion helps because this person can challenge them directly and also remind them to assess others’ level of discomfort through observation; does the person with whom they are interacting seem to be stalling, absenting themselves or maintaining a determined silence. If so, perhaps examining the situation further, before acting, is the best choice.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 72
If you prefer ENTJ (or you have someone in your life with this four-letter type code), the following questions may help as you process a life-changing event.

1. How can you find time to check-in with yourself and discover what matters most – in people terms as well as in terms of the bottom line?
2. How can your past experiences be a guide to what might help you manage things more successfully now?
3. How can you assess the impact of your actions on those you care about?
4. How can you build flexibility into your action plan to take advantage of learning opportunities as they appear?

Happy…? Holidays

For many the holiday season is a joyful time, for others it can be a time of loneliness or stress. Most of us experience a combination of these feelings depending upon the circumstances. In some years things seem to go very well, some years are just mediocre, and in some years it feels like we will barely survive the madness.

What if we could reclaim the holidays as an occasion for general enjoyment and peace rather than striving for some picture perfect experience? We think it is possible, at least in small moments or doses.

Here are a few ways to make the season a bit brighter:

If you experience the holidays as a lonely time:
Find ways to connect with others. Take a risk and reach out to friends and family; you may be surprised at the invitations you receive. Be bold: offer to host a gathering or take someone out for coffee or dinner. Remember, you are unlikely to be the only one who’s feeling lonely.

Design a new holiday tradition such as volunteering at food bank and/or giving a stressed friend or family member the gift of your time by offering to babysit, run errands or provide help with a task (perhaps even one that’s holiday themed, like preparing a traditional food or decorating). It’s much harder to feel lonely when you are busy helping others.

If you experience holidays as a stressful time:
Don’t put yourself last! Resist the pressure to give to the point of financial, physical or emotional “bankruptcy.” Ensure that you have some time and energy to focus on your own needs and wants. Doing so will be a gift to all, as you will be much happier and relaxed for not having exhausted all of your resources.

It’s OK to decline some invitations or to decide that you won’t do something you would typically do. The world will not come to end if a party goes on without you or you resolve not to take charge of the cooking this year. If you hear grumbles about the changes, try to put them in perspective. Strive to see this new approach as an opportunity for you (and others) to share responsibilities and develop new skills, including the vital skill of saying “no.”

Make moments of tranquility part of your daily routine. Find simple and inventive ways to take a break and de-stress such as:

• Spend 5 or 10 minutes here and there doing nothing but relaxing.

• Take short walks.

• Read a blog or magazine article.

• Call a friend who makes you laugh.

• Play some music to soothe you as you are rushing around from place to place or completing necessary tasks.

• Lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to; people will typically leave you alone in there.

Most importantly, decide for yourself what the holidays are about. Sometimes we mourn what we think we are supposed to be feeling or experiencing when these notions may actually come from family, friends or marketers. Create your own vision of what’s important and what constitutes a good time. Determine what matters to youand then use your time to do that instead of what you think you should be doing.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 71
Make the season bright no matter your circumstances. Take the initiative both to reach out to others and to engage in self-care. Take the opportunity to do and see things in new ways. Doing so the fosters the wellbeing of all – and what could be more holiday-season appropriate than that?! Happy Holidays 2014!

There’s Nothing Garden-Variety About You!

In Garrison Keillor’s Prairie Home Companion stories “all the women are strong, all the men are good looking and all the children are above average.” However, if there were an “average,” this means that some people must be below it, some in the middle, and finally some lucky people get to be above it. It obscures the fact that all of us stand out in some ways and all of us are just like everybody else, too. Our unique combination of features makes us who we are: individual and exceptional as well as alike.

The key is realizing that one of the most amazing things we all have in common is that we are each special in our own way. And this is a very good thing. It’s not only OK to be ourselves, but it is actually preferable. We know that in nature diversity equals health. The greater the variety of plants in a garden, field, or forest, the healthier that environmental system. The same is true for us human beings (and how often do we overlook that we are part of the natural world too?!).

With this in mind, read on for some tips on how to cultivate and honor your unique place in the human ecosystem:

Be proud to be who you are. In a garden, a tomato seed grows into a tomato plant. It doesn’t spend time yearning to be a zucchini or a pumpkin. Take a look at how you have developed and celebrate the successes you’ve had and the hurdles you’ve overcome thus far. No one has done it just like you!

Let fun, not fear, guide you. Unlike in the forest where plants and trees seek what nourishes them – sunshine, water, etc. – too many of us think that pleasure can wait and we deny ourselves what would feed our souls. Yet if we enjoy what we do, we are likely to deepen our skills and better contribute to the wellbeing of all.

Embrace difference. Peppers and eggplant need full sun, however spinach, chard and arugula can thrive even in shade. Rather than struggling to flourish in a space that doesn’t sustain you, acknowledge your needs and strike out for greener pastures. Think what you could do if your environment were supporting instead of hindering your growth!

Self-Discovery Tool Number 70
Every leaf and every petal is unique and so are you. Build on those things that make you, you. Offer your special gifts to the world and encourage others to do the same – our differences are our strength – our collective health depends on it!

There’s No Elevator to the Top, You’ll Have to Take the Stairs

Upon hearing this expression the other day, it got us thinking. What does this mean and is taking the stairs a plus or a minus? On first blush it seemed more negative, as in “wow, stair climbing, that’s a lot of work,” but on second thought, it seemed liberating as in “wow, it’s actually achievable, there are steps I can take that will add up to big changes.” When you read this saying, how does it strike you?

We often want things to be easy and quick – like an elevator ride – and our modern lifestyles reflect this. Further, technology, as wonderful as it is, fuels the assumption that it is always possible to get things done quickly and effortlessly. However, there are many examples of where having things come too soon or too easily can be challenging. Think of lottery winners who become wealthy instantly, athletes who win their very first competition, or celebrities who become famous just after being discovered. All too often people in these circumstances “crash and burn” because they are unaware of how to sustain their good fortune. They end up in unpleasant circumstances because their success came too rapidly, with few if any intervening steps.

Stair climbing begins to feel a lot more appealing after taking a closer look at the possible “elevator scenarios”. Taking things slowly has its advantages. With that in mind, how do we help ourselves look at things more positively when we feel we aren’t making progress toward our goals or we face obstacles that seem too big to surmount? Here are a few tips:

Recognize where you are. Expect that your long-term plans will be like running a marathon – when you feel the finish line is a long way off, notice how far you have come from the starting gate. Recognizing this will help you stay motivated to keep going.

Break big goals into much smaller ones. Nothing new here, but how often do we forget to do this? Remember the expression “Rome was not built in a single day” and apply this wisdom when things start to feel overwhelming. Completing small tasks over time yields big results.

Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate! We can become so fixated on our goal that the journey becomes an afterthought at best or drudgery at worst. It doesn’t need to be this way. We can celebrate each small success and enjoy the fact that we are learning and growing as we proceed – indeed this should be our goal no matter what else we are hoping to accomplish!

Self-Discovery Tool Number 69:
Quick results can be seductive, but often they only have temporary staying power. Instead of wishing and waiting for an immediate payoff, take a small step and congratulate yourself on accomplishing it. Make an effort to enjoy the ride in whatever way you can, rather than exclusively focusing on the destination. Love yourself as you keep on learning and you’ll be reaching the top before you know it!

What Are Resolutions Really?

In January it is traditional in many cultures to make resolutions for the year ahead. But what are resolutions and what is resolve? Where do these terms come from and what do they really mean? In honor of the New Year, let’s explore the meaning of the words “resolution” and “resolve” as a deeper knowledge of these terms may help us fulfill the ones that we have made.

In the parlance of modern technology, resolution can refer to the quality of an image, display or printout. With greater resolution, things are sharper and clearer. Applying this to goal setting, if you develop a detailed resolution, you are more likely to choose appropriate, realistic goals – centered on what you can add to your life to improve it, instead of creating punitive goals centered on taking things away or making yourself wrong. In other words, build upon and strengthen what is already present and good in your life. With this clarity, your goals are on target and the way forward is understandable and achievable. You anticipate what’s coming and so are better able to manage roadblocks and seize opportunities as they arise.

A person can also exhibit resolution: determination, steadfastness and tenacity are just a few of its synonyms. You may be familiar with the comment made by Thomas Edison, inventor of the electric light bulb – “Genius: one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.” Good things don’t tend to happen without effort. Hard work and doggedness pay off over time. If you go at your resolutions with energy, firmness and a sense of purpose, you are more likely to achieve what you set out to accomplish.

A resolution can also be a decree or pledge. Use this meaning to get support for the lifestyle changes you would like to make – declare your objectives and decisions to all who will listen and ask that they help hold you accountable. Make a promise to yourself and to significant others. Then make a real go of it, including renewing your efforts when you have occasional slip-ups. Commit to your growth and development and let others help you along the way

Self-Discovery Tool Number 68:

Use 2014 as an invitation to start something new and live your dreams. Declare to yourself and supportive loved ones that you are now choosing to develop your potential and work your goals. Connect to the greater meaning of “resolve” and “resolution” and make this year your best yet!

Strike a Pose (Really!): Being a Better You Is Easier Than You Think!

One of our favorite TED talks is by Amy Cuddy because in it she talks about how taking a new posture – what she has called “power posing” – can bring us new energy and confidence. Cuddy and her colleagues’ research had a fascinating outcome. People who strike high-power poses (expansive, big postures) before a stressful experience like a mock job interview are rated as more confident by others than people asked to put themselves into less powerful poses (restrictive, small postures). This result occurred despite the fact that all the people involved were given the same challenging experience to complete after they adopted one of the two kinds of poses.

It seems that there is an internal register of how someone successful carries him or herself. For instance, blind athletes who have never been able to see the “success poses” done by other athletes – arms raised, chest out, head thrust back – have nonetheless been seen to make these same movements themselves. Wow! It seems crazy not to try to use what seems to be a universal built-in mechanism to increase our sense of success or power. This straightforward technique could very well improve our sense of agency, assertiveness, comfort with risks and perhaps even our degree of optimism – and it seems to make others see us in a better light too.

With that in mind how might we follow Cuddy’s advice and “fake it until we make it”? Try these three simple tips to get you started:

First, we can watch Amy Cuddy’s TED talk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc or others like it to get more specific information on how to adopt these physical poses.

Second, we can stop making ourselves small in order to fit in with the expectations of others, be they loved one’s opinions, cultural mores, or our own fear of standing out by being ourselves and then not being accepted.

Third, we can look to others we see as powerful for ideas and inspiration to guide us toward taking on more powerful stances, roles, and choices in our lives.

Before your important event – a big meeting, a job interview or first date – take a moment to reflect on the above techniques. Make the commitment to put yourself in the best “position” possible!

Self-Discovery Tool Number 67
Is how you are holding yourself enhancing your sense of self-efficacy or making you feel less in charge? Are you putting yourself in a power position or are you restricting yourself to accommodate others? Strike a pose of strength – who knows what gifts this simple technique could yield?!